he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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