When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
