a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
