this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
