I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
