didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Randomize
