a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
