i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
