Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
