Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
