I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
