My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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