Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
