I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
