i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
