And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
