ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
