So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
