the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
