I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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