Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
