Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
