I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
