I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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