I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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