I wish my penis had an off switch
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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