i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
