Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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