a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
