paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Randomize
