its not stalking. its research.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
