You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
