did you get engaged???
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
