She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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