Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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