My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
