Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
