glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.Â
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
