Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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