I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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