I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
