can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We just shotgunned beers for America
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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