they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Can I color on your dick again?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
