Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
