This girl is more easily done than said...
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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