1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
How does it feel to date your dad?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
