i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize