Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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