I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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