Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
