Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
