I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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