I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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