There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
There are leaves in my underwear?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
