Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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