I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
