I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
