did you get engaged???
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
