Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
