need another drink. this is the easiest way
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
