The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
