i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
