I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
