you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
