he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
