I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
