Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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