ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
