and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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