doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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