happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You are a genius and a whore.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
