we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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