Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize